I can’t believe my little brother is married. It seems so strange. The wedding was beautiful. The whole time I was in Wisconsin I was kept very busy.
Thursday when we arrived Mom had to take us to Kohl’s so Tony could buy some dress clothes. It never fails. Every trip we take he packs late at night the night before the trip. All of Tony’s ties were ruined…I put them in the washing machine last year. Ops! None of his shirts fit him properly and his dress belt was coming apart. We were able to get him what he needed for the wedding.
Friday was the day of the rehearsal. Jon and I went shopping that morning. Jon has not been clothes shopping in years. I know he must really be interested in girls now since he asked his big sis to help pick out some new clothes. Back to Kohl’s I go with him. Jon has no sense of fashion. His wardrobe consists of old, light colored tapered leg Levi’s, old steal toe shoes, and a random t-shirts. I filled a cart to the top with clothes for him to try on and sent Jon to the dressing room. The man takes forever to try things on. He is even worse than me. I decided to grab a stool out of one of the dressing rooms and sit down right outside his door so he could show me everything he tried on. Yes…I was in the men’s dressing room. A lot of men turned away once they saw me there. Tough crap – welcome to 2010. What I found hysterical was the 65 year old guy in the dressing room trying on the same type of Levi’s Jon wears. Good reason for him to update his wardrobe. Jon really did not care for most of the things I grabbed but he was a good sport about it any way. He told me if he starts attracting bleach blonde bitches he is going to be pissed at me. I responded with “would you rather attract a burly bitch instead?” Amazingly Jon said yes. Jon ended up spending about $200 that day and I spent another $50 on new pairs of jeans for him he would have never bought on his own if I sent him back. Hopefully he wears them. I really enjoyed being able to hang out one on one with my brother. We hardly get to do that. Jon does not understand marriage. He told me he is enjoying being alone and having fun with the single life. I reminded him herpes is forever.
Jon and I were put in charge of decorating the getaway car before the wedding. Mom provided us with a “tastefully” prepackaged car decoration kit. I applaud her effort to think Jon and I would do anything tastefully. After we were done clothes shopping we stopped at Walmart for some additional car decorations. Balloons, streamers, 3XL panties, Schlitz beer, car paint, and condoms. Jon blew up the balloons and condoms to toss in the car. Tim has an old Ford Galaxy. I hung the panties from the rear view mirror and Jon tied the beer cans to the back of the car. We did use the kit mom provided so the decorations were not so redneck.
After Jon and I were done shopping we had to go to the reception hall to help decorate. Most of the work was done by the time we got there. I don’t think Mom was too happy with us showing up late but Jon and I had planned our shopping trip for a while. I was helping out with decorating the trellis and almost flattened it! I was standing on a chair leaning forward, trying to put flowers on top of it. The chair I was standing on started to tilt forward and my knee banged into the trellis. Luckily I caught my balance and was able to put the chair back down. If it was not for someone underneath it at the time to help stabilize I probably would have crushed it just like Chris Farley crushed the coffee table during an episode of SNL…You all remember it….Live in a van down by the river!! HAHA. So what were the guys doing while this was happening…sitting down acting as project managers. Yup. Not a one got up to catch me. Go figure.
The rehearsal went great. Ashley put me in charge of being the bitch. I am good a bossing people around. I made several corrections to make sure her day turned out perfect. Amazes me how some people are afraid to touch each other when walking down the aisle. Then they act like they are sprinting in the Olympics. Slow down! I had to go out for a drink with the bridal party after the rehearsal to show people I am not a complete bitch.
Mom prepared most of the food for the rehearsal dinner. She is never going to do that again. Talk about stress for that woman. Ashley bought all the bridesmaids jewelry for the wedding, a makeup bag, lotion, and a lipstick holder. Very nice of her to do that. The groomsman were given Jack Daniels flasks and glasses. Perfect for those guys.
Tim and Ashley at the Rehearsal Dinner
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