Article by Ian Kerner
I came across this article on CNN’s website. Let me first start off by saying I completely trust Tony and he completely trusts me. We have a wonderful marriage. While Tony and I do not have the emotional affair issues outlined in this article, the article does bring up some very good points. I do think everyone with a facebook account should read this article.
Topics of this article are: don’t romanticize the past at the expense of the present, don’t keep secrets, emotional affairs, facebook friends more powerful than internet porn, and disconnecting your facebook account.
Kerner: “Until the advent of Facebook, though, most of us were compelled to leave the past in the past and move on. But now exes of all stripes - high school sweethearts, college lovers, former hookups - are popping up on Facebook. When two people strike up an online friendship, it’s easy to idealize each other and blur the line between fantasy and reality. An intense sense of intimacy is quickly fostered, particularly if intimacy was once shared in the past.”
When it comes to exes on facebook Tony and I made a decision a few years ago they do not belong as friends. Even though we are not worried about each other getting a bit too friendly when it comes to messaging an ex through facebook, we just prefer to not even have it as an option. I’ve had a few try to friend me and decline all the invites. I don’t even want those memories!
Even though we may not be friends with exes on facebook it does not prevent non-friends from sending emails unless we block that ability in our settings. Another agreement we made is to be open about who contacts us. Just as it says in the article if you are open about it you have nothing to hide. Even though we trust each other it is better for the relationship to have all the cards on the table. I’m sure you can imagine how I would react if I found an email from an ex-girlfriend. Even if innocent…you don’t tell me there will be hell to pay.
Kerner: “And in those rare instances where I have accepted an ex as a Facebook friend, or written back, I’ve informed my wife and let her read every correspondence. Not because she doesn’t trust me, but because we have nothing to hide. Once you have something to hide, that’s where the trouble begins. So if an old flame is on your case, just say, ‘I’m in a relationship now. I wish you all the best.’”
A few weeks ago I cleaned out my facebook friends. I deleted over 80 people. My friends list built to people I went to high school with but never talked to, former coworkers, and people I hardly knew. I kept good friends from high school, current friends, and relatives. My list is still over 200 people and would have to guess almost half of them are relatives in my side and Tony’s side. I decided I did not want my information shared with people I rarely know. I locked down my account so if you are not a friend the only thing you can see is my picture and name. I would delete it if it was not for me living so far away from my family. I will admit it was hard being that person to delete others for fear of hurting other people’s feelings but I had a fuck it moment and started deleting away and it felt GOOD! I wish Tony would do the same to his account for the people he does not know very well since my pictures are on his profile. Looking at it now it really is creepy to have people you hardly know have access to personal details of your life. Facebook is not a popularity contest. Out of respect for each other Tony and I have deleted friends the other did not like. Respecting your spouse is more important than hurting the feelings of someone you hardly know.
I really hope you read this article. It is short but some good points.
Read the full article: http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/03/e-motional-affairs-how-facebook-leads-to-infidelity/?hpt=C2
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