Good-Bye Sydney

Almost two weeks after Sydney's surgery she died. Her blood levels are what gave us hope through the process that she would survive. Tony and I took her to the emergency hours at our vet's office. She had not eaten for three days and was throwing up water. Her blood work showed the worst. The cancer moved into her blood stream and she did not have much longer to live. Tony and I decided to put her down peacefully that night rather than her suffering for a few more days.


When we put Otis down over six years ago we did not stay with him and this is the biggest regret of our lives. We knew we had to stay with Sydney until the end. The vet's office did a very nice job making it comfortable and peaceful. They also sent us flowers and a card the following week. 


It is so terribly hard loosing her so fast. I think it was even harder loosing her than it was Otis. Otis was old and we knew his time was coming. Sydney was a completely normal dog and then in less than three weeks cancer took her. I still tear up driving home because she is not going to be there. It is a different feeling walking into my house. I am used to three dogs storming at me, each one pushing the other aside to greet me and whomever else visits. Jack and Oscar still greet us but my big girl is missing.


I don't remember how long it took me to get over Otis dying. My brother died a month after he did so my sadness turned to my brother. It is going to take a long time to get over her.


Mom and Dad love you baby girl. Take care of Otis and my brother in heaven.

10 Year Wedding Anniversary

Last Thursday was our 10 year wedding anniversary. It is a rare occasion when Tony gets me flowers. I prefer not to spend the money on it since we grow our own roses. I was surprised when there was a huge, beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting on my desk when I got back from a meeting. It had my favorite flowers in it - lilies and Gerber daisies.

We did not have our vow renewal on the beach in Aruba like originally planned but Tony is here and alive and that is what counts. We still wore the outfits we bought for our vow renewal out to dinner. After Tony's accident I emailed Bahama Breeze to see if they could help us out with reservation - They do not accept reservations. I told them what happened to Tony and that we were supposed to be in Aruba for our anniversary but a deer had different plans for us. The staff at Bahama Breeze was amazing. The head chef helped personally design a menu for me and Tony.

When we arrived on Thursday they had flowers on our table and a nice candle. Our personalized menus were on the table. They blocked off an entire section of the restaurant for us so we could have our private dinning. The food at Bahama Breeze is always amazing and so are the drinks! It was the perfect anniversary dinner.

After dinner we went home to relax for the evening. Tony also bought chocolates for after dinner. Not like we could fit anything else in! We normally do not get each other gifts on our anniversary since we take a trip. Tony felt bad this year for me since I had to take care of him after his accident that caused us to miss our Aruba trip and my birthday was spent in the hospital. Tony surprised me with spa treatments.

We went through our wedding photos and pictures from our first year of marriage. Wow does time go by fast. It was a lovely evening and I look forward to many anniversaries that have yet to come.

My First Earthqauke

Yesterday while I was at work the whole building started shaking. I had to grab onto my drink so it would not tip over. I sit on the 14th floor of one of the sky scrapers in downtown Raleigh. It was pretty scary not knowing what was going on. For a second I really thought there was something wrong with our building and it was going down. If the shaking had gone on for another few seconds I probably would have pissed myself. After the shaking was over with I realized it was an earthquake - in North Carolina! I am glad no one was harmed during this event. The earthquake happened in Virgina about 2.5 hours away. The earthquake in Virgina measured at a 5.8. One of my friends from Japan that has experienced many earthquakes estimates we felt around a 3.0 - 3.5. At least next time I feel an earthquake I will know what it is and not be scared the building is going down!

Helmets Save Lives

In North Carolina we have a helmet law. When Tony and I lived in WI we never wore helmets. Stupid, I know. After Tony's accident we are so thankful to have a helmet law in NC. Without his helmet I am sure he would have been dead or severely brain damaged. Not one place on his face was injured - not even a scratch.

Side view of the helmet. Notice the third skull is scratched off.

Front view of the helmet.

Top 10 Pet Peeves

Another great find from my facebook notes in 2009.

I find many things annoying and decided to write it all down. Yes I may piss some of you off but you all know I tell it like it is.

1) Kids on airplanes. I love parents that medicate their children and teenage girls. Please do not give them noisy toys thinking it will keep them quiet. Then I have to listen to the fricken thing. Please clean up after your kid after he or she craps themselves. No one wants to smell that. I would pay extra to have a child free flight.

2) People that don’t spay or neuter their pets. There is nothing that pisses me off more than this. If you cannot afford to spay or neuter then you don’t belong having a pet. There are low cost spay and neuter programs for those that need help – please do your research and find the program if you need it. Nine to eleven millions of dogs and cats are put to sleep every year because of people that do not spay and neuter. Yeah you would like to have the experience of puppies and kittens but please stop being so fricken selfish. Still feel like you don’t have to spay or neuter…go volunteer in an animal shelter for a few weeks and then tell me if you still feel the same.

3) Bluetooths. I hate bluetooths. Yeah they are nice for driving which I have no problem with but I cannot stand seeing them in people’s ears. Then they walk around the stores looking like they are talking to themselves.

4) Being asked if I would like to open a store credit card. “Would you like to save $4 today by opening a Kohl’s credit card”. You mean would I like to ruin my credit rating for 4 fricken dollars? Hell no and please stop asking me every time I check out.

5) Parents that let their children run wild in stores. Okay so this may be acceptable in Walmart on some occasions but it is NOT acceptable in Ann Taylor. Under no circumstance should children ever be in Ann Taylor, Ann Taylor Loft, Banana Republic, Macy’s, New York and Company, World Market, Nordstrom, or any other nice store. Any questions about this rule please see my first pet peeve and medicate your children before entering the store doors or just leave them at home with a sitter or your significant other.

6) PJ’s out in public. Please do not wear your PJ’s out in public even if it is to Walmart. You look like crap. Just for Nikki I am revising this to say yoga pants are acceptable.

7) Creepy men with camcorders on the beach. I know you are not recording your wife or your child. Please stop trying to get a shot of boobs when the waves hit…asshole.

8) People that drive slow in the middle lanes on the highway. If you are driving slow stay to the right. I hate having to swerve around you and the other people going somewhat slow in the fast lanes. It is very annoying and I probably will rear end one of you assholes some day. You also slow down rush hour traffic by having you and the other douche bag in the slow lane going the same speed.

9) Overweight people that complain they cannot loose weight but then stuff their faces with doughnuts and French fries. I have nothing against people being overweight but if you are overweight and complain how fat you are and how you can never loose weight and then 10 seconds later you are in the drive thru at McDonalds…stop complaining. Love yourself for who you are or make a lifestyle change. To you f*ckers that created BMI - I did not realize a size 4/6 was over weight. Maybe if I subtract my implants, long hair, and go to the bathroom before I weigh I will be normal. Oh yeah - you pricks do not take weight lifters into consideration.

10) Stupid people – need I say more.

Random Life Lessons

This was in my Facebook account under my notes from 2009. Enjoy!

Random Life Lessons from Laura Hilt.

1. Cellulite does not just appear dimple by dimple. You wake up one morning to find the collagen in your legs turned into a vacuum cleaner.

2. The secret to great skin is to stay out of the sun but yet tans look sexy. I am to embrace porcelain skin after years of tanning.

3. People who don’t think dogs prepare you for children never had my four dogs. They taught me patience, how to care for babies and the elderly, my furniture will always have dings, scratches, and teeth marks, and best of all my house will never be quiet.

4. You can’t fight gravity as you get older unless you have a great plastic surgeon. Never in my life did I think I would own control top panties like my mom and fall in love with Spanx.

5. Nothing is better than wine, popcorn, and a movie with my husband.

6. Seventeen is too young to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life. If I could go back in time I would not choose to be part of corporate America but would choose to help others.

7. People that bad mouth others do so out of their own insecurities. The only view of yourself that matters is your own. Never waste your time on rumors or hurtful comments from others.

8. Complimenting random strangers on their hair or a piece of clothing can put a great smile on their face. Never miss an opportunity to make someone’s day even if you don’t know them.

9. Life is not about waiting for things to happen; it is about getting of your butt and making great things happen.

10. Life is very short. Tell the ones close to you how much you love them because you never know when it will be the last time.

11. You can’t change how people act but you can change how you react to them.

12. The one thing people cannot take away from you is your education.

13. Nothing puts a smile on my husbands face more than a home cooked dinner.

14. The only cure for a hangover is to not drink so much the night before.

15. Southern people are not slow. They (we) take the time to enjoy life and realize how beautiful it is.

16. Road rage is not worth it.

17. The only thing in this world that will be excited to see you every time you walk in the door is your dog.

18. Bad things happen to people. Some worse than others. Rather than having a pity party use the experience to grow and learn from it. Courage happens when we pick ourselves back up and tackle the unknown.

19. An hourglass figure is far more attractive than skin and bones. Of course I say this since some how my ass seems to be related to Jennifer Lopez.

20. Every year I say I will not go shopping on Black Friday and yet every year some store has a too good to be true ad.

Thank You Genetics

Yesterday I had my yearly physical done. The last six months I really have been eating healthy. I always have my fruits and vegetables but this go around I started cutting out more processed foods and about a year ago really stopped eating red meat except for the rare occasion. Last year my cholesterol was 298 and that was without fasting. So this year I really was hoping for under 250 with my diet changes and since I was fasting. I also had not eaten meat in two days. High cholesterol is in both sides of my family. Both my grandmothers had bypass surgery, my grandpa died at 61 from a heart attack and most of my relatives have high cholesterol. The results came back the same day. Total cholesterol….272. Well since there really is nothing more I can do to change my diet and exercise I enjoyed a nice juicy steak for dinner. Cheers to genetics.

What is Marriage Really?

What is Marriage?
Marriage simply defined is a union between two people. But ever since we are children we are taught you fall in love, get married, and have kids. You are not taught what it actually means to be a married couple – just the expectations and that number one expectation being children.

Early years child discussions
When Tony and I got engaged 11 years ago we both wanted a family. We both had dreams of a house with two children. After we married that perspective on life began to change. I was still in college when we got married and continued in college for another seven years – something we never expected when we married. Throughout college we both knew children was not an option given I was also working full-time. It was stressful on our marriage since Tony really wanted a family and I wanted advanced education and a career. It did not help the case there was enormous pressure from his family for us to have children right away. It seemed like every week for the first two years of our marriage we were asked when we were having kids.

Tragedy and opportunity has me rethinking children
In 2005 after my brother died I did go through a phase when I thought I really wanted kids but soon realized what I wanted was a replacement for my brother. In 2008 when I finished college Tony and I put kids into our plans. We were looking for a bigger house, getting our finances in order, and then in 2009 I received the phone call for a job working on the largest bank merger in history. Tony and I talked and we knew this was an opportunity I could not turn down. So our plans for children went on hold while I worked on the merger for the next year.

After the merger was complete and I was unemployed, children still seemed to be the last thing on our mind. Some more background is my health. Even if Tony and I wanted children I have issues that would cause it to be difficult. Given what I know about my health I never wanted to get hung up on having a family for fear of a great disappointment if it did not happen.

Somewhere in 2009 and 2010 both Tony and I realized we are perfectly happy without children and the pressure of a family has been lifted. We are able to enjoy nice vacations. We can come and go as we please. We have nothing holding us back from the plans we make as a couple.

Do You Have to Have Kids to Be in a Marriage?
Now that Tony and I made the decision to forgo children it seems even in our current society not having children is taboo. Search childless marriages online and you will pull up loads of articles about people wondering what is wrong with couples that decide not to have children. Childless marriages are frequently referred to as selfish. How is having 10 children or even 1 child you cannot afford any more selfish than not having any? Even worse is I find articles that speculate not having children will send you to divorce court more than having children will. Really? So having children and staying together in an unhappy marriage is better?

Does being married mean you HAVE to have children? The state of Washington seems to think so. In 2006 in an effort to ban same sex marriages (which I support) they denied gays the right to marry because such unions do not further the purpose of procreation. So does this mean Tony and I should not be married because we choose not to procreate? I love that the gay rights groups retaliated by collecting signatures proposing marriage only be allowed in the state of Washington to those that procreate within three years. If not, their marriage will be annulled. Of course this part was only a joke but provides a valid point to gay rights and marriage is more than just having children.

There are a few things I learned over the years with mine and Tony’s decision over children.

1. Never ask people when they plan on having children. It is none of your business. They will tell you if they want you to know.

2. People that choose to be child free are not selfish.

3. Do not pressure your friends to have kids just because you found happiness in it.

4. Be conscious of your facial expressions when someone tells you they do not want kids. I can see that look of disgust or questioning what is wrong with me.

5. Children can be a painful discussion for some. Many childless marriages may have started out wanting children but their bodies fought against it.

6. Don’t be so judgmental. I can easily judge you for contributing to our over populated world as you can judge me for not having kids.

7. The primary reason to marry should be because you love the person you are with. Not because your biological clock is ticking.


So what is marriage really?
Marriage is just simple; the partnership between two people that love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together. Children are not in the definition of a marriage. Marriage is not black and white. It is colorful filled with different types of people, different expectations, and different goals. No one's marriage is the standard template all others must follow. Enjoy what you have with who you are with and do not let any one else tell you different.

No Spend Challenge Is Back....

....Only this time it is NOT a challenge; it is a requirement.

Those of you that know where I work and listen to the news know about the possible rumors. I am not stating any more than what you can read online. If this does happen it will be my 4th merger. I pray to God it does not go through but I am doing the steps I need to prepare myself.

Until I know what is going on all spending is halted. It is just too bad Tony and I did not know this before our trip to Savannah. I do not want to find myself in the unemployment line just after having blown money on things we do not need. Sorry everyone...this also includes gifts. I just cannot afford to take that risk now and every $25 I would have spent on the next so many gifts is going to mean a lot to my budget if I am not working.

This may even mean Tastefully Simple goes as well. I love being a consultant and getting the discount but with the expenses it takes to be a consultant I just barely break even.

I really, really love my job but I have to be realistic if this does happen. Best case scenario if my job is eliminated is I will be put on the merger team. With 5 years of experience working on back merger activities it would be stupid if I did not get that opportunity. Truth is I am terrified of ending back up in the unemployment line. While I did enjoy the three months off I had last year it is also a scary and stressful time. I really wanted this company to be the one I retire from and I hope it still is. Even with everything that is going on I still am very happy I left the last job I was at.

I look back at how hard I worked through college and where I am today. Never in my life did I think with a master's degree I would be facing the same job cuts and hardship as people with no degree. Then adding to the sting is now being over qualified for most of the jobs out there. Right now I am going to bust my butt in my job and hope to ride out the storm. Cross your fingers for me.

On a brighter note: today's weigh in 129.6.

Forgiveness Update

Last week Tanya and I talked on the phone for over an hour. It seemed like we picked back up where we left off. It was so nice to hear her voice again. A lot has happened this last year in her life. She just accepted a job in Florida and is leaving Wisconsin. When we were still talking last year she was searching for jobs by me so we could be close to each other. I feel like suck a jack ass. I missed out on my friend moving by me. I am happy she is moving to Florida though. After a few years in North Carolina there are days I think I did not move far enough south. I will have to take a long weekend each year to visit her since it is such a short plane ride away. I am so happy to have my friend back.

Learning to Forgive

We all have hard lessons to learn in life. One of the biggest lessons is learning how to forgive a person that hurt you and apologize for when you hurt them.

As some of you may recall the fight I had with my friend Tanya last June that ended pretty badly. We did not speak for months and around September she reached out to Tony through facebook since I blocked her. She apologized and I did not respond and she tried again in December. I responded but still not sure what to do. Fast forward to last month. I was looking through some pictures and came across some of Tanya and me when she visited. Since our fight I really missed emailing her, talking to her, everything. She was the first person I told practically everything to. I told Tony how much I missed her and he suggested I send her an email to see if she still wants to work it out. She did respond and does want to work it out. I was surprised since I ignored her other emails she would even still want to try to work it out.

We have been communicating through email the last two days. It is not like it used to be but we will get there someday. I plan on talking to her Wednesday night. We both said horrible things to each other we did not mean at the time and we both feel terribly bad. Admitting when I am wrong or when I go too far is not easy for me. I hope our conversation goes well tomorrow because I really miss my best friend. I really miss the one person I could tell everything to.

Beaver Crossing

I saw the cutest thing yesterday. I was on my way home from work and in a very busy section of the road two beavers were trying to cross. One of them already made it across and you could see the fear in her eye's as she was watching her mate try to cross in the busy traffic. He made it to the other side and immediately the two pressed their faces together as if they were kissing. Really amazing how you can see fear and love in the actions of animals.

Getting Married Too Young

Since William and Kate married I see more and more articles about the benefits of waiting to get married until you are older. Over the years I experienced criticism and the gasping look from people when the find out how young I was when I got married. The biggest question I get is “what did your parents think?” Even more of a shocking look when I tell them they were fine with it and married at the same age as Tony and me. Even worse when we first got engaged, the first question to cross people’s mind (some even said it out loud) was is she pregnant?

Background
When Tony and I got married I had just turned 19 and he was about to turn 24. There is about a 5 year age difference between us. We met when I was 17 and started dating when I was 18. Three months after we were dating he asked me to marry him. Tony and I never talked about marriage. Going into the relationship we both thought we were going to date for a few months and move onto our separate ways. I never expected Tony to fall completely in love with me. So much so that when he first said it my reaction was “no you don’t”. I was not one of those young girls that started planning my wedding when I was a child. Marriage was never on my mind. I had just started college and had a long road ahead of me. So when Tony popped the question (no ring in hand) I did not take him completely seriously until the next day he said we needed to go ring shopping. So why at my age, having never thought about marriage, would I jump down the isle with a man I was only dating for three months? Because we both just knew we were soul mates. Even my mom did. She and a lady she worked with were making bets on when he would ask me. As said above my parents were the same age when they got married and now have been married for over 35 years.

Waiting to Discover Yourself
What I do not like are people these days passing judgment on those that get married young. Not everyone is at the same maturity level when they are 19, 20, even 30. I was very mature for my age. If I had not married Tony when I did where would my life be? I would have turned down my soul mate to, as they say in the articles, find myself…discover who I am? These articles argue that you are not the same person as you are when you are 18 and 28. What they fail to mention is you are not the same person at 28 as you are 38 or 48 or 58! So how long do you need to discover yourself? One of the best parts of marriage is growing as a couple. You still develop your individuality and the best part is you have your spouse there to cheer you on.

Experience
These articles out there with age comes experience hence why you should wait to get married. What experiences are we talking about here? My single girlfriends have slim pickings when it comes to great men in their late 20’s and early 30’s. Most of them are set in their ways, many have children from previous relationships, they set very high standards, some already married and divorced, and others are damaged and not trustworthy because of their “experiences” in previous relationships. Not saying ever man or woman out there is like this but many of them are. Why in the world would I put myself through that because I needed to discover who I am? Instead I followed my heart and knew at 18 years Tony was going to be my husband for the rest of my life. In the past 10 years we shared so many wonderful experiences, vacations, and just life in general. I do not think I would have had all of those if it was not for Tony.

Financial Stability
Another reason recent articles want people to wait to get married is so they are financially stable. Finances being the number one reason for divorce I can see their reasoning but do not agree with it. Unlike most married couples we chose not to have children right away which contributes to the financial instability of couples that marry young. So many people think your finances will fall into place when you have kids but the reality is it does not and for many the credit card bills that are unmanageable.

When I was 20 Tony and I were able to buy our first home. It was nothing extravagant but we were able to get a start building equity. Two years later when we moved to NC we bought our second home when I was 22 and he was 27. We got a jump start into financial stability. Luckily it was all before the housing crash. We were smart enough at that age to know we should not spend more than we can afford and smart enough to know not to take out a variable rate mortgage. Right now we are under a 15 year fixed rate mortgage at 3.75%. Thanks to our long payment history, great credit scores, and zero credit card debt we were able to achieve that rate. We do use credit cards to build our history but pay them off every month. So where are the babies since we achieved financial stability? We have not decided if parenthood is for us. Right now we really are enjoying each other.

Our Struggles
This is not to say Tony and I did not have our fare share of struggles given we married so young. But getting married right away is what also helped us from walking out on the relationship. I could not imagine being with someone for 5 years without marriage and then one day they just had enough and walk out. We made a commitment to each other. For better or for worse; for rich or for poor. We take the vows we made very seriously. Some of the stuff we went through in our marriage I think many people would have walked out on. We never dealt with infidelity but the death of my brother, moving across country, and family issues would have most people filing for divorce.

When we were in serious trouble I was in a depression from the death of my brother and he was deeply depressed because he was missing his family after we moved across the country. Didn’t help they called all the time asking when HE was moving back, with or without me. Since we each had our own issues we were dealing with we were not there to help each other. After over a year of being miserable we sought out help through a psychologist. She really helped us repair our marriage and get back on track. Why am I so honest about this? Because every marriage has issues and if you are in trouble I do not want you to be afraid to seek help from a psychologist. If you sit back and say everything has been perfect you are full of shit.

What We Do and Did Right
We did not jump right into having kids. This may work for some people but for Tony and me not having children right away has done wonders for our marriage. We are happily settled with our four furry ones.

I did not quit school. Another speculation that was out there when Tony and I got engaged was whether or not I would finish college. Well I finished alright, along with two other degrees. Tony supported me the whole way – 8 years worth.

We did not let other people define what it is to be married. Most people think you get married, you have kids, you see your family ever weekend, etc. It took a while but we discovered what makes us happy as a couple. Other people’s opinions, including our parent’s, are not welcome.

When we knew our marriage was in trouble we went for help rather than rushing to a lawyers office. At the time we were in trouble I never would have thought our marriage would be as close to perfect as it is today.

We fixed our finances. Everyone makes financial mistakes and we were some of them too when we first got engaged. It did not take long for us to realize what happened and we quickly jumped on board to fix it right away. We do not live beyond our means and if one of us lost a job we would be OK – which you all should know we have been there.

We both still have our own individuality. Tony has his guy’s nights, guy Harley rides, and guys camping trips. I have karate and girl time. Being able to be an individual is so important to a marriage.

We find things we like to do together. I like riding with Tony when I have time. We enjoy mini vacations and long vacations together. We like camping, board games, movies, hiking, among many other things. There really no better evening than dinner at home, snuggling on the couch, and watching a movie with popcorn.

Now that we are planning our vow renewal for our 10 year anniversary in Aruba I really have never felt so close to my husband. I am excited to renew our vows after 10 years since we were so young when we married. Now we get two great experiences. Marriage as young adults and vow renewal as established adults. If I had to go back in time and do it all over again I would. I do not regret one bit getting married young.

Closing Statement
Getting married young is not for everyone; neither is getting married older. If you know your partner is the right person for you don’t hold off because people are telling you that you need to discover yourself or think there is something better out there. It is better to marry the right person at the wrong time than the wrong person at the right time. You know what is right for you regardless of age. Enjoy the great times, fight like hell during the bad times, and never give up on your version about what it means to be happy.

Engagement Chicken

I am sure many of you have seen the stories lately about the engagement chicken by Glamour Magazine. Women claim to become engaged after making this chicken for their boyfriend. This leaves me with five words: “Are you f'ing kidding me?” I mean come on! Were these women shit cooks prior to making this easy recipe? Men are simple but they do not think “oh that was a great chicken my girlfriend cooked; I need to propose now.” Around 70 women got engaged after making this chicken. What they fail to mention is how many tried and how many of these couples were already discussing marriage.

When Tony and I got engaged I do not think I cooked much for him. I was very young and inexperienced in the kitchen. I think at that time the only thing I cooked for him came out of a box but I cooked it in my underwear. We were only dating for three months before he popped the question. What attracted Tony to me as his future wife was my nurturing instinct yet bad girl attitude. I had my first tattoo before we were dating. We had great chemistry. Tony knew I was very young and probably not ready for marriage but saw a young woman with a good head on her shoulders, a woman that does not take anyone’s crap, a woman that can take care of him when he is sick, a woman that wants to have fun in this journey we call life, and many other things.

It takes more than a chicken to get a man to marry you. You need to have the qualities he is looking for and the undeniable chemistry.

10 Things Your Spouse Won't Tell You

10 Things Your Spouse Won’t Tell You
By Catey Hill

http://www.smartmoney.com/spending/budgeting/10-things-your-spouse-wont-tell-you-1298308510316/

It is not often I come across great articles I feel like sharing on my blog and this week I found two.

This article identifies 10 things couples may not tell each other. I do not really care for the title because it implies husband or wife each of them is going to tell these 10 lies. That is not the case in this article. These are all possibilities. The details are in each article I suggest you read. Find out what I am guilty of.

1. I spend more on my mistress than I do on you: Not Guilty. Ouch! Must be nice to even have enough money to maintain two women. I would think with the fall of the economy men may have cut back on this expense.

2. I Have a Secret Bank Account: Not Guilty. This screams to me I am planning on leaving you. Definitely not a good idea.

3. I have an Office Spouse I adore: Not Guilty. I do not have an office spouse and am pretty sure Tony never has either given his response to two coworkers he sees in that type of relationship. Your most interment details about your marriage are not made to be shared with the opposite sex. You are setting yourself up for an emotional affair if not a real one.

4. I am going to pretend I never bought that (or at least lie about what it cost): Guilty, Guilty, Lock Me up and Throw Away the Key Guilty. There are times Tony will look at me when I get home from work or when I am getting ready to go out and I can tell by the look on his face he is wondering if he has seen that outfit before. When he does ask how much something cost I usually deduct 30% of the actual price I paid for it. Why? I have no idea but feel he will be more accepting to my purchase if it costs less and I got a great deal on it. Oh, crap. Just gave away my secret; like he did not already know it.

5. I earn more than you think: Not Guilty. I really do not understand why anyone would lie about this. The article states people want to keep money to themselves. So why not open another bank account like in number two? Pretty much the same thing.

6. I am happier because I make more money than you…: Half guilty. When I had my contract job I really did enjoy all the money I made but I was not happy because I made more than Tony. I was happy because I was able to buy us things we normally would have to save for. We were able to buy Tony’s Harley, take fantastic vacations, mindless shopping, etc. It was great while it lasted.

7. …but I hate being the breadwinner: Guilty. As nice as it was making amazing money as a contractor, when I lost my job I felt like I let the family down. Even though we did not live outside our means when I was contracting it still is a shot in the gut. My weekly unemployment was what I made in a day contracting. It really must be nice for women out there to have the option of working but really…who can do that any more?

8. I married you for your money: No Guilty. Well I screwed this one up and married for love. But seriously…if you are rich and marry a broke woman shouldn’t you already know this?

9. I’d rather you cheat on me than lie about money: Not sure I agree with this one. Tony and I did have a small problem about four years ago when I got us into a few thousand on an interest free credit card. It was not money we blew just too many things happened at the same time. I tried so hard to fix it before he found out but eventually had to own up to my mistake. Tony was not mad because I came to him about it and we worked as a couple to fix it. Good news...never had to pay interest and I never did that again! Now for the other side to this - Cheat on me and I will claim a moment of insanity while I castrate you.

10. I blew our savings because the saleswoman was beautiful: See the ending to number 9.

Emotional Affairs: How Facebook Leads to Infidelity

Article by Ian Kerner

I came across this article on CNN’s website. Let me first start off by saying I completely trust Tony and he completely trusts me. We have a wonderful marriage. While Tony and I do not have the emotional affair issues outlined in this article, the article does bring up some very good points. I do think everyone with a facebook account should read this article.

Topics of this article are: don’t romanticize the past at the expense of the present, don’t keep secrets, emotional affairs, facebook friends more powerful than internet porn, and disconnecting your facebook account.

Kerner: “Until the advent of Facebook, though, most of us were compelled to leave the past in the past and move on. But now exes of all stripes - high school sweethearts, college lovers, former hookups - are popping up on Facebook. When two people strike up an online friendship, it’s easy to idealize each other and blur the line between fantasy and reality. An intense sense of intimacy is quickly fostered, particularly if intimacy was once shared in the past.”

When it comes to exes on facebook Tony and I made a decision a few years ago they do not belong as friends. Even though we are not worried about each other getting a bit too friendly when it comes to messaging an ex through facebook, we just prefer to not even have it as an option. I’ve had a few try to friend me and decline all the invites. I don’t even want those memories!

Even though we may not be friends with exes on facebook it does not prevent non-friends from sending emails unless we block that ability in our settings. Another agreement we made is to be open about who contacts us. Just as it says in the article if you are open about it you have nothing to hide. Even though we trust each other it is better for the relationship to have all the cards on the table. I’m sure you can imagine how I would react if I found an email from an ex-girlfriend. Even if innocent…you don’t tell me there will be hell to pay.

Kerner: “And in those rare instances where I have accepted an ex as a Facebook friend, or written back, I’ve informed my wife and let her read every correspondence. Not because she doesn’t trust me, but because we have nothing to hide. Once you have something to hide, that’s where the trouble begins. So if an old flame is on your case, just say, ‘I’m in a relationship now. I wish you all the best.’”

A few weeks ago I cleaned out my facebook friends. I deleted over 80 people. My friends list built to people I went to high school with but never talked to, former coworkers, and people I hardly knew. I kept good friends from high school, current friends, and relatives. My list is still over 200 people and would have to guess almost half of them are relatives in my side and Tony’s side. I decided I did not want my information shared with people I rarely know. I locked down my account so if you are not a friend the only thing you can see is my picture and name. I would delete it if it was not for me living so far away from my family. I will admit it was hard being that person to delete others for fear of hurting other people’s feelings but I had a fuck it moment and started deleting away and it felt GOOD! I wish Tony would do the same to his account for the people he does not know very well since my pictures are on his profile. Looking at it now it really is creepy to have people you hardly know have access to personal details of your life. Facebook is not a popularity contest. Out of respect for each other Tony and I have deleted friends the other did not like. Respecting your spouse is more important than hurting the feelings of someone you hardly know.

I really hope you read this article. It is short but some good points.

Read the full article: http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/03/e-motional-affairs-how-facebook-leads-to-infidelity/?hpt=C2

The Race Against Cancer - Supporting Sarah Guilfoy

Everyone out there knows a close friend or family member that has battled cancer. For me my great-grandmother had colon cancer, my grandmother had ovarian cancer, my aunt has kidney cancer, my friend survived Hodgkin’s, even I had precancerous cells discovered and removed.

Yesterday my Aunt Nancy had surgery to freeze the cancer on her kidney. She has a blood clotting disorder so any surgery for her is very risky. She made it through but developed a hematoma which will go away with time. She is now cancer free.

My second cousin Sarah recently supported her mother through lung cancer treatment about 2,000 miles apart from each other. (Picture of Sarah and her Mom many years ago) When her mother’s lung cancer was first caught it was one nearly invisible spot on her lung. By the time she was approved for treatment through her insurance company there were four cancer spots and in her glands. It is very sad in our country a person with health insurance still has to fight to get approved for treatment and while fighting the cancer worsens. What is wrong with our country?

In honor of Sarah’s mother she is running in the Big Sur Mud Run in California to raise money for the American Cancer Society and for her mother’s medical bills. Sarah’s goal is $6,500 by March 26th. Ever little bit helps. Donations for Sarah’s run can be made at this website: http://www.gofundme.com/race-against-cancer.

I am sure many people wonder where their money goes when donating to the American Cancer Society. I took it upon myself to call the American Cancer Society.

15% Research
17% Prevention
27% Patient Support
13% Detection and Treatment
22% Fundraising
6% Employee Salary

The big campaigns out there right now for the American Cancer Society are Healthcare Reform, More Funding for Cancer Research, National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Programs, Take Out Colon Cancer, Pain and Palliative Care, and Protecting Kids from Big Tobacco.

For those of you that criticize Healthcare Reform you need to know some important facts about this bill. The bill supports prevention and early detection for cancer. Sarah’s mom’s cancer was found early but insurance fought treatment. Under Healthcare Reform her outcome could have been very different. Rather than fighting the insurance while her cancer worsened it may have been treated right away. The bill eliminates lifetime limits on coverage, prohibits insurance companies from rescinding coverage, provides access to insurance for uninsured Americans with pre-existing conditions, and many more wonderful benefits you can find here: http://www.healthcare.gov/law/timeline/index.html. Why would you want to get rid of this bill? True there are some parts of the bill I do not agree with such as the sales tax when you sell your home but this is NOT a reason to get rid of the entire bill. Congress should pick apart the pieces that do not work and fight to get those removed but not the entire bill. I find it appalling we can spend well over a trillion dollars on the war in Iraq without problems but when it comes to spend money to help our own country and better our healthcare system people are in an uproar.

The other important campaign that is relevant to this post is the More Funding for Cancer Research. The procedure my Aunt Nancy had done to freeze the tumor on her kidney is a relatively new procedure. Without funding for research my aunt may still be living every day waiting for the tumor to take over her body. Given her blood clot disorder all the other treatments made it far too dangerous to operate until this one became available. This treatment option came just in time for my aunt but for many others that lost their lives from kidney cancer it came too late.

More information on the American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network can be found here. http://acscan.org/. You can look up federal and state campaigns and if you have time also check into volunteering in your area. Please take a moment to donate to Sarah’s run.

My Wonderful Husband

Tony was awesome this weekend. I know I complained a bit in the past when there was lack of help but after a conversation we had last week I think things really are going to change. Not like he wasn't great before, more so than most husbands, but in this marriage I like to have a partnership and now what each other do is appreciated.

He worked on Saturday for half a day. The extra money will help us with our up coming vacation. When he was working I was doing my grocery shopping. When he got home I did not expect anything from him as far as house work since he did put in extra hours at work. However, he got right to it with cleaning the floors and folding laundry.

Then after we cleaned the house he helped out my friend by picking up a TV she bought and setting it up in her house. No complaints at all. He was happy to do it and play with her dogs. Now my friend and I are something else. We met at the job I have right now. There is about a 30 year age difference between us but we could not be more alike. Tony even sees it. It is amazing how the two of us has an instant connection like we were sisters in a past life.

Our trip to Arizona is coming up so soon. I can't wait for the mini vacation and to see Tony's cousins.

Message from Heaven

I have a Facebook group called In Loving Memory of William Robert Steigerwaldt. Most people in the group are family and close friends. I had to lock the group down since there are trolls on the internet that spam the wall. Now you can only access by request for new people. Yesterday I received a request from someone I did not know to join the group. I accidentally clicked ignore request instead of confirm. I emailed the lady and told her what I did and asked her to send a new request. Out of curiosity I asked how she knew my brother. Turns out they met on a dating site years ago and used to email back and forth. She searched for him on facebook and came across the group. I am not sure if she knew Bill died. My guess would be not if she searched for him. It is amazing after how many years have gone by she was searching for him.

It may not be a message from Heaven but I can at least dream.

Genetics

I have a love hate relationship by my genetics. There are many features I like and others not so much.

I am so thankful I did not get my mom’s ugly pinky toe. All my brother’s did. I got my dad’s cheek bones that I like. Hate being short but I can deal with it. My chances of heart disease are pretty high but I manage with my diet.

But the one thing I never thought I would see at my age just started showing up a few months ago. I have my dad’s forehead. I always knew my forehead took after grandma. It is high and defined and I liked it. But mix that with Dad’s wrinkles at the age of 28 and it is not looking so good now. I started trying collagen filler hoping it will help reduce the appearance of lines and it is NOT working. I need to find something stronger and I am not about to have a face lift before I turn 30…maybe when I turn 40. These wrinkles are not small baby wrinkles. They stretch straight across end to end of my forehead and there are three deep lines. Why do I have these? I am so young. Thank you genetics. Not even make up is reducing the appearance.

The other thing I hate the most other than my wrinkles is my ability to put on weight with little effort. I bust my butt to stay thin and it is so easy to put on weight. I have to eat like a rabbit to lose any weight. Since my knee surgery on December 8th I put on 4 pounds. It may not seem like a big deal to many but for me it takes a long time to get 4 pounds off. I knew I was going to put on weight after my surgery. With the holidays and the fact I was unable to exercise for three weeks really put damper on things. I finally got on my treadmill last night but am only able to walk at 2.5 with no incline. Never going to get the weight off going that speed for only 20 minutes! Saturday I weighed in at 140 pounds. Today was 138.6. Glad to see a few down but not good enough. The lowest I got to is when we were in Curacao in May. I was around 130-131. It was too skinny for me so not upset when I put on a few pounds. My happy weight is around 135-136 and I hope I get there by the time Tony and I go to Arizona. I am happy my size 4’s still fit me but a little snug. Mainly around my enormous ass.

I am sure genetics will continue to bit me in the ass as I get older. Speaking of my ass. I’ve about had it with my butt dimples. I slather on the cellulite cream every morning and every night. It does minimize the appearance but now I have to be careful with the pants I buy. If they are too thin I can see the dimples smiling through my pants. I started getting cellulite at the age of 24. It just did not show up dimple by dimple. One morning I woke up and discovered the collagen in my legs turned into a vacuum cleaner and sucked as much fat through as it could creating my butt dimples. I guess I cannot be too upset since about 80 to 90 percent of women have them. St. Ives Cellulite cream is what I use to minimize them.

The last thing that really bugged me about my genetics is my boobs. Ever since I was a little girl I looked at my mom then at her sisters and thought to myself I am going to have a nice rack. Well it never happened for me. My mom and my aunts are all D’s if not double DD’s and there I am with my tiny little A’s. Really….what the hell happened? Here I am now, the only one in my family that had to pay for my boobs and I still have the smallest chest. I bought C’s but they turned into D’s two years later when I had a growth spurt.

For now a feature I really love is my hair. I am not sure who in my family I got this thick head of blonde hair from. Bill and Jon both have thick blonde hair too. I have two stubborn gray hairs that show up every now and then but I pull them out. Nice thing with blonde hair is they hide out.

I just can’t wait as the years go on to find out more about my love hate relationship with genetics.